My Escape In This Barrel

happiness

2005-11-13T04:18:00Z

every night i lay awake just thinking to myself. the best part is, i couldnt be happier. i have the most amazing girlfriend in the world. soe keeps me thinking aobut her for every second of every day and it warms my heart even on the coldest of days. i truely and deeply love isabelle jordan. with every day my love grows stronger for her.

To Jordan,
hunny, i just wanted to tell you that i love you so much. you mean more to me than anything in the world. everything you say makes me smile and warms my heart and soul. I love you. I wish i could say a billion words but not one could possibly come close to the love in my heart for you. thank you so much hunny. you truely are my miracle and my gift from god. my everything, my angel, my love, my girlfriend, my ladybug, my jordan. always and forever. I love you.

your matthew, always and forever.

MVP!!!

2005-09-28T00:07:54Z

i love how my girlfriend is not only amazing in general but also amazing on the field. she is like the MVP of every game and is awesome! FANTASTIC!

simply amazing

so yesterday she woke me up for school which helped because i was alone for the whole weekend, my rents went to the cape and stayed with some friends for a few days. after that i didnt really get to talk to her which was kinda upsetting. I worked and it was really borring with my hand cause i still cant do anythign really. Today she had a Field Hockey game and i guess they dominated...she wont tell me the actual score lol. I hope you had a nice day hun, mine was completely uneventful..

handgun_tragedi @ 2005-09-19T21:07:00

2005-09-20T01:20:45Z

yeah so theres this girl. her name is jordan. she is my princess. she is my world.
This girl is amazing. Recently she got her phone taken away so we havent been able to talk on the phone. Although this is quite upsetting conciderring we are used to spending hours a day on the phone together, we make up for it while talking on line and she steals her phone back every once in a while just to call and say she loves me. She even calls me n the morning to wake me up for my classes...and wont get off the phone until i get out of bed lol. She is the only reason i actually get up for class haha. She leaves me messages online whenever im not around and she is. She is on my mind all the time and i kno i am on hers just as much.

J-just amazing
O-outstanding
R-redicliously awesome
D-delicious
A-amazing
N-nothing less than perfect

my baby

fantastic

2005-09-07T22:29:26Z

My girlfriend is absoutly fantastic. everything about her. She even woke me up today for my first day of college and stayed on the phone with me until i got up because she knew if she didnt i wouldnt even go. She looks out for me and has my back. I love her :). (thanks baby). F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C. My girlfriend is amazing. she told me to shoot myself in the foot with a staple gun and i did it. (if thats not love i dont know what is)

yeah so i started college today, it was pretty sweet. Thought about my baby all day and just kinda hung out. Tonight im goin to look at an apartment in Framingham.

After that it will probably be another great night on the phone with my princess.

I love you hunny

plain and simple

2005-08-22T03:48:37Z

I love you Jordan

my princess, my love, my everything, my jordan

2005-08-21T23:51:17Z

in two days jordan is done with all the stuff she have been doing for the past week. this makes me so excited because that means i get to spend time with the most amazing girl in the entire world. i am getting to anxious that i already have butterflies in my stomach. At the moment she isnt feeling too good so i told her that if after tuesday she was still feelng sick i would come to her house and put on a little acoustic show for just her, with sandwiches, movies and gifts.

Although she has been really busy and everything, she still finds time to talk to me every night until at least 4 in the morning. i love it. its so amazing, every night for a such a long time and never running out of things to say to eachother. We click so perfectly and its truely amazing. Every morning i wake up to a call from her saying good morning and i love it. shes the first voice i hear when i wake up and the last voice i hear before i fall asleep.

she is...
my princess..
my love..
my everything..
my Jordan...

and i couldnt be any happier about it.

self conclusion

2005-08-15T01:13:37Z

you know, my last entry was going to be my last for a few reasons. But someone persuaded me to continue to write in it.

Ive come to realize how strong my relationship with jordan is. On more than one occasion we have basically ended everything, but what we do every time is continue to talk. A while back we told eachother we would get through everything together. I guess we were right. I have come to realize that I really am happy. Sure we have our arguements just like everyone else but what we do every time is talk through it. It shows that we are strong together. No matter how far apart we may be, we figure it out and get through it.

Today is the 14th of august. Today is the day after Jordan got home from California. It was susposed to be "our" day, one where we would spend every second together doing everything and anything. Unfortunatally it did not happen. In the beginning of the day we had one of those times and ended up almost ending everything, we talked through it for hours and now tonight we are watching "our" movie. I guess that even after a day like today, it still ended up being "Our" day. And i couldnt be happier doing anything else.

Thank you jordan.

handgun_tragedi @ 2005-08-14T13:53:00

2005-08-14T17:55:16Z

"I need to ask you something."
"What is it sweetheart?"
"Do you think that our love can create miracles?"
"Yes I do. That's what brings you back to me each time."
"Do you think our love can take us away together?"
"I think our love can do anything we want it to."
"I love you."
"I love you.."
"Good night."
"Good night. I'll be seeing you."

see within every word on every line, there is a secret message for her to find..

2005-08-12T05:35:12Z

tonight jordan and i watched A Walk To Remember. once again it was a very amazing night. She said to me that she could do this every single night and never got bored of it, i couldnt agree more. I love every second of every night and i wouldnt change it for the world. I know that she feels teh exact same way and i am so happy about it. I love her and i know she feels the same way.

her sister gets married tomorrow which is pretty cool, i wish her the best of luck with it all.

thank you jordan for once again a night i wouldnt trade for the world.

handgun_tragedi @ 2005-08-11T01:23:00

2005-08-11T05:50:25Z

so i just finished watching the notebook with jordan, we had the movies playing at the exact same time. Before i watched the movie lindsey told me that if there was one movie that could relate to Jordan and I it would be that one. At first i thought to myself, hmm maybe the basic story of it? But as i watched the movie, we both picked up on every little detail within every single minute there was something we picked up on. We commented once in a while but mainly we layed there in silence and watched it. I dont think tonight could have been any better. When the movie finally ended we were just kinda like "wow". she said to me, "remind you of something?" and i just laughed, we both knew exactly what she was saying and i think we both felt good about it also.

I dont think that if i watched that with anyone else i would have had the same feelings about it. and i am happy about that.

thank you jordan

do i have to spell it out for you, or whisper in your ear

2005-08-11T01:36:10Z

my movie date starts in around 30 min and i am getting nervous. But i wouldnt want to spend the time with anyone else then the person im going to spend it with.

the stars are out tonight, but you're the brightest one shining in my sky

2005-08-10T19:01:54Z

yesterday jordan and i spend basically the whole day talking to eachother. about 6+ hours online then at night we both went outside and looked up at the stars together. even tho we were at the opposite sides of the country, i couldnt help but feel like we were near eachother as we looked up into the night sky. After getting attacked by bugs we decided to go inside. By this time it was about 1AM here. So we went inside and both started to watch tv, she caught the end of leguna beach and i just flipped around. we decided we should watch a movie which ended having her watch Big Fish. I didnt have it so i just kinda listened and talked. I would tell her what was going to happen 5 seconds before it actually did and she would get annoyed :). after the movie was over we talked for a little bit then she went upstairs and got in bed. I told her i would talk to her for the rest of the night or until she fell asleep. I ended up singing a few songs to her before we hung up and went to bed. it was a great day.

today i am going out to rent the notebook so we can watch it together over the phone. i am really looking forward to tonight. i hope she is also..

handgun_tragedi @ 2005-08-09T15:00:00

2005-08-09T19:00:52Z

...

Pop open the bottle
Oh wont you pour me a drink
I just realized something
You fill the void inside of me

Oh toast with me hunny
To a night where we both died together
Eyes meet one another
Please just let us take the step together

Hand in hand we entered a world built just for two
Ill say to you, hunny just take my hand it’s outstretched just for you
I’ve had enough of being lonely
My life was built upon it until I found you

If I wrote it all down for you
Every little word dancing on the paper
Wont you feel this way too
Oh can’t I fill the void within you

Hand in hand we entered a world built just for two
Ill say to you, hunny just take my hand it’s outstretched just for you
I’ve had enough of being lonely
My life was built upon it until I found you

For once Im not fading
At least it feels that way
Through all the rough times
What can I do to make you stay?
Falling down
Can I still stand up?
Will you reach down?
Would you please pick me up?

Please don’t let me slip away
Please don’t let me feel this way
Please don’t let me slip away
Not ever, not today
(humming)

...

handgun_tragedi @ 2005-08-08T18:04:00

2005-08-08T22:07:33Z

i finished this today and added music to it.....

From across the country
we stay up late
From across the country
Talking about things that we can relate

Through tears and joy
Of a girl and a boy
I wouldn’t miss it
Every night all alone
On a cellular telephone
I still can hear you

Is it time to come home?
A repeated question on the phone
I know your answer
But I like to hear it
A I love you and a kiss
The night ends always in bliss
We’ll talk tomorrow
But until then

Through tears and joy
Of a girl and a boy
I wouldn’t miss it
Every night all alone
On a cellular telephone
I still can hear you

As minutes pass
I feel alone
Please is it time
Just come home
I still miss you

...

I can still hear you…

Hands down...

2005-08-08T07:27:06Z

jordan is coming home this week and i am so pumped, nothing else could be better then now, except when we spend the whole day together. i am so excited, she is amazing as ive told you all before and it will just get even more amazing when she is here. She has been gone for such a long time and is finally coming home. I cant believe it! FINALLY!

I love you hunny.

handgun_tragedi @ 2005-08-01T01:20:00

2005-08-01T05:28:45Z

jordans back from going away for the weekend, and i am very happy about it. not talking to her for a few days sucks lol. I like talking to her every day, even if its for like 6 hours+ every day. I never get tired of her and its great. This girl is Simply Amazing, thats all that needs to be said.
We are going to get a puppy husky, jordan wants to dye it pink but i said no.

Jordan should be home in about 2 weeks which makes me excited. My 2 friends and i are going to look for our apartment this week hopefully. I told jordan that she could come shop for apartments if she gets back before we decide on one. She is going to help me decorate my room which should be a blast haha.

i love you jordan ^^

handgun_tragedi @ 2005-07-28T18:58:00

2005-07-28T23:03:17Z

so theres this girl........
Her name is jordan.......
and all i can say is......

She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and i want the world to know it!

her smile, her eyes, her voice, her laugh, her sarcasm, the way she laughs at me and tells me she loves me to the way she says goodnight to me.

I couldnt be happier. She is an angel. She is still in california and i still cant wait for her to come home. Her sisters getting married so she is there for a little while, but ill wait. :).

Jordan, i love you. Come home soon.

Matthew

welcome back

2005-07-25T06:23:32Z

jordan is finally back from her little sub-vacation and i couldnt be happier, the first thing she said when she got back was I love you. That made me so happy to read that. It was such a relief to have her back, the past few days sucked not being able to talk to her. Hearing her voice again made me very happy. I am starting to look for Apartments soon and i am really excited for that. I think jordan is also :). My room is goin to be so pimp. I cant wait.

jordan i am so glad you are back, i hope you had fun and i missed you.

oh you know

2005-07-23T16:53:43Z

kinda sad, jordans gone for a few days and i havent really gotten to talk to her. I am also missing her birthday which is depressing. Happy birthday hunny, hope its a good one, even tho im not there.

Today is also my friend Ho Yin's birthday, he turns 18 today so we are having a BBQ at his house. Happy birthday bro..

handgun_tragedi @ 2005-07-20T13:09:00

2005-07-20T17:24:29Z

so jordans been in cali for a long time now and im not goin to lie and say i dont miss her. I really do and i cant wait for her to come home.

even though she is there, we still talk for hours every day and i love every second of it.

its funny because lindsey always gags as how sappy we are but we like it. Jordans last journal made me so happy when i read it. It feels really good to know how she feels about me and the fact that she puts it out for the world to read.

So she bought me this gift, well a "surprise" and its driving me insane, she continues to tell me that im goin to love it an that she cant wait to give it to me and it makes me want it right now but NOOOO i cant have it. :(
AND THE WORST PART IS THAT SHE TOLD LINDSEY SO NOW SHE CAN RUB IT IN MY FACE TOO!

I cant wait until she will come home and we will eat sandwiches (PB&F) while i serve it to her in the proper attire.
I will get to show her around my ghetto
and play guitar for her
and sing to her
and drive around with her
and eat with her
and and watch harry potter with her
and pick out the homoerotic parts of movies
and lay around
and wake up in the morning and make breakfast with her
and party with her
and go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with her
and just talk all night together

there are so many more things i cant wait to do, those are just the start.

as i put in my away messages..

Jordan= simply amazing..

I know this may be redundant But I think it bares repeating

2005-07-06T18:03:26Z

come home jordan!

i miss you xKajillions!

got the job at Hot Topic......woot~

Summer Winds was always our song

2005-07-01T04:20:07Z

well i dont know what to say. someone really close to me is going to Cali tomorrow for a while. I dont know what im goin to do with myself. im so used to talking to her every day and night, and now shes goin to be all the way across the country from me. im goin to miss her so much. Jordan if you are reading this. come home soon and safe ok? Ill see you when you get back.

you are stellar

2005-06-29T03:28:48Z

i was looking forward to today.. unfortunatally it didnt happen. I know that it wasnt definate you know, but i was still hoping. Im still hoping.

Things lately have been goin alright, nothing really new. still dont know what im goin to do next year, still dont know where my life is headed. I dont know when ill know either.

what can you do.

well. damn

2005-06-19T04:59:18Z

i seriously cant win. i do things wrong all the time. never works

......Feel Good Inc. is a great song

hmm

2005-05-22T20:38:51Z

basically my life is still a downward spiral leading nowhere. someitmes i am thrown a rope to pull me out of it but eventually the rope is pulled away from me also.

I went to a college in Newton yesterday, i enjoyed it and they had a great program i was interested in. It was one of the ones i applied to so im just kinda waiting on it.

I started to draw again which is kinda a good thing, it sorta reminds me of some things so it is somewhat hard to keep it up.

school is over in about 1 day. i dont know what im goin to do with myself after that. this summer is goin to be fun, i just wish i could spend it with a few certain people but i doubt i will.

oh well, nothing new i guess